Things to Know Before Your Trip to Italy

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  • All Italians understand English, if you speak it loudly enough.
  • If they didn’t want you to take home a piece of Pompeii, they wouldn’t have bothered digging it up.
  • Your admission ticket gives you the right to touch all of the statues in the museum.
  • When a sign says “No Photos,” there is always an implied “unless you have a camera.”  According to international law, you can take a selfie anywhere.
  • Those Swiss Guards at the Vatican? Just actors in funny costumes, who love it when you roughhouse with them.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for a “real cup of coffee.” Those tiny coffee cups are a relic of the 16th century, when the average Italian was two and one half feet tall. And be sure you say “Expresso,” which is the accepted, i.e. American, pronunciation.
  • Most Italians are lazy. They only appear to be working hard, because they need the money to feed and clothe themselves and their families.
  • Venice is a beautiful, romantic city, but the one in Las Vegas is newer, plus you can go  see Britney Spears.
  • If an Italian restaurant does not sell hamburgers, it is probably a tourist trap.
  • Italians must greatly admire our Prego brand pasta sauce, because they mention it all the time.
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