World Leaders React Quickly to Devastatingly Realistic Photo of Cindy Crawford

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Faced with world-wide uproar, prominent leaders have been quick to respond to a recent un-retouched photo of supermodel Cindy Crawford, which seems to reveal that she has the abdomen of a normal human middle-aged woman.

President Barack Obama: “She is normal. She is beautiful. She is what millions of American women would be, if the Republican-controlled Congress would stop obstructing my efforts to make this a country where everyone, not just the wealthy, can have a decent set of abs.”

Queen Elizabeth II: “Personally, I am relieved to see it. I am tired of having to compete with an unrealistic standard of feminine beauty set by by models such as Ms. Crawford and that bitch Helen Mirren.”

Kim Jong-un: “Capitalist prostitute should come to Pyongyang for my special ‘Kim-doctrination,’ if you know what I mean.”

Hillary Clinton: “Maybe now Bill will remove her poster from over the bed. But I doubt it.”

Pope Francis I: “I am more concerned with the condition of her soul than the firmness of her tummy. Besides, I am really more of an ass man.”

Chancellor Angela Merkel: “She looks awesome. But having a body like that would only make it harder for me to be taken seriously. That crazy Frenchman Hollande is ‘handsy’ enough as it is.”

Premier Vladimir Putin: “She must do crunches. Thousands of crunches. Then, perhaps, she would survive the ecstasy of one night with Putin. Also, she should lose twenty years.”

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