10 Things Your Fast Food Server Will Never Tell You

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No matter which franchise you patronize, your fast food server will never tell you any of the following:

— what your meal would cost in Renaissance florins

— that your children will never amount to anything

— “That comes with a side of meth.”

— when, or if, you will ever get over Downton Abbey

— that he/she wants you “right here, on the counter, no questions asked, no strings attached”

— that you should have someone check that mole on your back

— whether Keanu Reeves will ever get a role that allows him to show the full range of his acting ability

— that for an extra $5 he/she can hook you up with some actual food

— if your marriage is in trouble, or if, as your wife says, that contract she put out on you was just “a silly mix-up”

— that he/she likes “to touch things with my nose.”

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