You say ‘tomato’, I say ‘to-mah-to’.
You say ‘bronto’, I say ‘apato’.
Then you say, ‘You’re stupid. You don’t even know dinosaurs.’
And I say, ‘Well, I know who’s in charge here! Go to your room!’
And it escalates from there.
Child psychologists are warning that changing the name of certain dinosaurs first called brontosaurs — then, apatosaurs — back to brontosaurs could lead to increased friction between adults and five-year-olds.
“Every five-year-old in the world is some kind of dinosaur savant,” explains Dr. Emily Pronghorn, child psychologist and mother of five-year-old twins. “They’re always rolling their eyes when you can’t tell a parasaurolophus from a deinonychus. I’m not stupid! I went to college! Excuse me, for not studying paleontology!”
“This bronto/apato thing is going to lead to tears.”
Dr. Pronghorn offers several strategies for coping with this potentially fractious situation. “You can patiently explain to the child that adults do not know everything, but they do know how to summon the terrifying monsters that live under the beds of bad children.”
“Another tack would be to distract the child with some simple task, such as digging a trench for your new sewer line.”
She continued. “Or, you can do what I usually do, and remind them that they used to think ‘Barney’ was a real dinosaur. That usually shuts them up for a while.”
One group of NBA scientists has suggested that the bronto/apato name confusion would be alleviated if brontosaurs were to be re-christened lebronto jameses.
Photo: Elika & Shannon