Champion Spieth Joins Hush-Hush Masters of Sex Club


Augusta, GA — Masters 2015 champ Jordan Spieth left Augusta with more than the coveted green jacket and a check for $1.8 million. He also earned a membership in one of golf’s most exclusive and secretive organizations: The Masters of Sex Club.

The Masters of Sex Club (MSC) was reportedly established in the late 1960s by pioneering sex researchers Masters and Johnson as a means of studying the sexual habits and problems of the champion professional golfer. Its research facility is said to be located somewhere on the grounds of Augusta National Golf Club, home of the Masters championship. Every Masters winner automatically becomes a lifetime member and has access to all of the latest golf-sex data and therapies.

According to anonymous sources, the MSC has investigated such issues as the correlation between length of drive and penis size (sometimes called the “Crenshaw effect”); the link between premature ejaculation and “the yips”; and the efficacy of getting a blow job while making the turn on championship Sunday.

Those same sources revealed that it was a slight adjustment in his penile grip that allowed Jack Nicklaus to claim his last Masters title in 1986. Also, when Bernhard Langer began experiencing a problem with erectile dysfunction, club therapists restored his confidence with a longer putter. And Tiger Woods’ notorious sexual escapades? Nothing more than his attempts to gather data for an MSC study on foreplay vs. stroke play.

Among the strangest of the rumors is that club members are encouraged to don their green jackets while engaging in sexual activity/research; still, many prefer to wear only a visor and golf shoes.

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