If Kids’ Athletic Shirts Were Honest…

GR1030

I walked into Dick’s Sporting Goods the other day and noticed racks of athletic shirts that, from their size, appeared to be aimed at 8 year-olds.  They said things like, “I’m Here To Win” and “100% Beast” and “I Run This Game.” And it made me wonder, “Do these slogans really express the feelings of kids playing sports today? Or is this another case of adults projecting their feelings onto children?” I decided that it is probably the latter. So I came up with some athletic shirt copy that might better express the feelings of most of the kids who are out there on the field:

  • HOPE I DON’T PEE
  • YOUR GENES ARE WHY I SUCK
  • AVERAGE ON MY BEST DAYS (AND THIS ISN’T ONE OF THEM)
  • YELLING ISN’T COACHING
  • THERE IS TOO CRYING IN SPORTS
  • THANKS FOR WATCHING ME LET YOU DOWN
  • TELL ME AGAIN WHY SPORTS ARE  FUN
  • I CAN’T CARRY YOUR JOCK DREAMS
  • 100% BORED
  • …BUT I GET GOOD GRADES!
  • I’M ONLY HERE FOR THE TREATS
  • TRYING WON’T MAKE ME BIGGER
  • TRY HARD, PLAY FAIR, LOSE ANYWAY
  • OOPS! HAPPENS
  • I’M OKAY STAYING OUT OF THE WAY
  • THIS GAME HURTS MY GUTS
  • WINNING WOULD BE EASIER WITHOUT THE OTHER TEAM
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2 thoughts on “If Kids’ Athletic Shirts Were Honest…

  1. This is hilarious and spot on. My five year old saw a shirt the other day the he really, really liked for some reason. I don’t know why, because the only thing it said was, “Mr. Clutch”. Whatever the hell that means. I bought it because I’m a sucker for a good sale and because it’s getting hard to find clothes we can both somewhat agree on. The cashier was all, “Mr. Clutch?” And I was like, “You know it.”

    Like

  2. Pingback: James Desperately Trying To Switch Teams Before Game 3 | toofunnyformypants

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