1. You are married.
2. You are not married.
3. You are a patient in an ICU with a strict “no sex” policy.
4. You have broken up with your cellmate.
5. You aren’t attracted to anyone in your space capsule.
6. You don’t get out of the cloister much.
7. You are a man.
8. You are so obnoxious, you are lucky to be having sex at all.
9. You are saving yourself for Channing Tatum/Sofia Vergara/both.
10. You spend all of your time at the computer, reading stuff like this.