AP — North Korea’s celebrity magazine, Democratic People Embracing Socialism and Fighting Fascism While Wearing Best Clothes, has once again chosen President Kim Jong-un as its “Sexiest Man Alive.” Kim was previously named “SMA” in 2011, 2012, 2013 and 2014, and is already a heavy favorite to cop the title next year.
According to Democratic People, Kim has “the most sexual magnetism of any human alive, thanks to perfect understanding of socialism, perfect resistance to capitalist aggressors, and kissy baby lips.”
In addition, Kim is “so virile that, if he were not busy being perfect ruler to his dear people, our Great Leader could launch sperm missiles across the DMZ, devastating all birth control defenses, and knocking up every woman in decadent South Korea, even those he did not find attractive.”
As for how Kim compares to David Beckham, People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive 2015”: “Kim makes Beckham look like a Spice Boy with poopy pants.”
In this year’s Democratic People balloting, Kim finished first, while Kim’s hair came in a close second. Actor Matt Damon was a very distant third.