Signs That Your Prostate Is the Size of a Melon

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As we all know, it is not unusual for a man’s prostate gland to increase in size as he ages. Here are some common signs that you may have an enlarged prostate:

  1. Your weak flow gets bullied by stronger urine streams.
  2. You start buying Levi’s “Relaxed Prostate” jeans.
  3. It counts as one of your carry-ons.
  4. You put your pants on “one leg, then the prostate, then the other leg at a time.”
  5. There’s a burning sensation when you set your prostate on a hot stove.
  6. Your urine dribbles. Also, you can actually dribble your prostate.
  7. You wonder where that third testicle came from.
  8. When you go to a movie, the guy behind you asks you to remove your prostate.
  9. Your wife leaves you. (Actually, she’s been unhappy for years. It isn’t your prostate, so much as you. Although having a gross deformity in your groin certainly didn’t make you more attractive. And she never liked you calling it “the moon of Uranus.”)
  10. Your work nickname is “The Elephant Gland.”

Okay, now get it checked. By a doctor. Not the office intern.

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