POTUS-Elect Rump Considers Run For Pope

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New York — In a candid monologue with Crossburner Weekly, President-elect Donald Rump divulged that he is considering running for the position of Pope.

“I’ve been doing such an incredible job since my fantastic election,” Trump said, “that the country is already great again. So I’m bored. Fantastically bored. So I’m looking around for other things that I can make great again. Like the Papacy. Or Saturday Night Live.

Rump stated that he would be “a fantastic pontiff. I look great in white. Nobody looks better in white than I do. I come home from the office and put on my Klan robes and I look totally papal, the most papal ever. White is my best color.”

The POTUS-elect did not believe that being married and a non-Catholic would be an impediment to his winning the papacy. “I wasn’t qualified to be President either,” Rump asserted, “and it didn’t change things a bit. People want change and I can deliver it. We’re going to have way better-looking nuns. Fantastic, supermodel nuns. In thongs.”

Rump concluded with perhaps his most stunning revelation. “I already have God’s endorsement, ” il Dunce said. “I had Him to dinner at my fantastically luxurious penthouse in amazing Trump Tower. Once He saw that I had more money than He did, He got on board. It’s gonna be an incredible honor to have Him working for Me.”

Informed of Trump’s intentions, current pontiff Francis 1 responded, “That culo can kiss my cuppolone.

 

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